Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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