I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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