dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
