Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
