She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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