I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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