You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
