Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
