I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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