Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
