Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
