I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
