The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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