i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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