its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
