How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
