Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
