So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
