so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
