...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
