Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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