my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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