Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
