is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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