I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
