I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her vagine was all disorganized.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
