If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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