i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
