I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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