paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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