I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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