i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
