just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
