Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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