The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
