Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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