after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
