I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.