Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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