I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
