my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
