I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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