Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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