I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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