is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I've blown a few things in my day
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
