i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
