so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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