he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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