fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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