allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that's an acceptable place to lick
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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