At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
