I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
