At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
