you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
