Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
