do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
