so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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