Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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