the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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