Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
