ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
