sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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