you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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