it was like his penis was on wheels.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
