FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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