I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
