i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
