Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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