I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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