How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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