one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
