i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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